Heartbroken


I got some terrible news today and I can’t stop wanting to cry. The only problem is, I can’t cry. I have a natural reflex that once the tears start rolling, I force them back. No matter what the situation.

Anyway, on with the news. I’ll start at the beginning.

My mum and dad split up when I was about 9 or 10. I lived with my mum and it was just the two of us. Soon afterwards, we got a little puppy Yorkshire Terrier called Jake. He soon grew to be my best friend and my mum’s most loyal partner. He was with us through some very emotional times, scary times and good times. When I moved out a few years back, I did try and persuade my mum to let me keep him, but she didn’t think I’d look after him properly (I think she just didn’t want to part with him)

He’s not been a well dog. When we first got him, the vet said he wouldn’t make it past 2. That was 14 years ago.

A month or so ago, my mum told me he was blind in one eye and had diabetes. Nothing anyone could do, just old age. But he was fine and happy and in no pain.

Then comes the phone call yesterday. He can’t move his back legs. She took him to the vet and the vet said his back and crumbled.

This afternoon, she had him put down. I’m devastated. I can’t stop wanting to cry. I live quite some distance from my mum’s and I so wanted to be there with him at the end, but because my work is run by heartless wankers, I couldn’t get the time off. I never got to say goodbye to my closest and best friend.

I’m here at work, with eyes filled with tears and I want to sob my heart out and try to release some of this pain, but I can’t. I’ve never been able to cry properly. Damn macho bullshit.

I just hope and pray he’s in a better place and he knows how much I love him and I’ll miss him. You’re always in my heart Jakey…..

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2 thoughts on “Heartbroken

  1. sandysays1 says:

    My human and my condolences for your loss. We’ve lost a pet within the last six months and the pain associated with the loss is still fresh. (See my post August 8 – Goodbye Mr. B) And don’t worry about the tears – It takes as much or more courage to let your emotions show as to hide them.
    http://www.sandysays1.wordpress.com

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