My Parenting Fear

I’m slightly concerned.

My wife gave birth to my baby girl last Wednesday. I’m over the moon! I totally love my little angel. I’ve always thought I’d make a good dad. Now I’m not so sure.

I love my little girl. She’s absolutely perfect. She only cries for food and nappy change. But when she cries, I feel powerless. Sure I change her nappy and wind her, but I can’t feed her (we’re breast-feeding). And at the moment, all she does is feed. I feel quite helpless as I don’t want to burden my wife with everything but what can I do?!

I’m worried my frustration will effect my relationship with my daughter. I know it’s only a matter of time before we can express milk so I can feed her and she’ll soon become more active, but I really feel like I’m struggling.

My wife, bless her, is being a rock. None of this baby blues for her. She’s loving being a mum, handling the feeds with ease, not getting stressed at all, looks fantastic and is sleeping well (true, baby is helping by only waking two times a night so far). She’s trying to comfort me by saying I’ll be happier once I can feed her.

I love being a dad. I was holding her earlier and my heart just filled with love for her. I just hope my inadequacies don’t have an adverse effect on my bond with her. All I want is for her to love and be a daddy’s girl.

21st Century Chatting

I’ve had my iPhone for over a year and my wife has constantly moaned that I’m always using it. I laughed it off and told her to stop being so silly.

Now her mobile has been an aged thing that she’s had for 2 years! Can you imagine?! This thing didn’t even have wap!!!! So I finally persuade her to come into the 21st and buy a smart phone. I did try and convert her to the iPhone, but she wasn’t keen (Christ knows why as she used mine enough). Instead she went for the new HTC desire. Very nice phone, but a bit too ott compared to the iPhone.

Since having this phone, her Facebook is being battered!!! She’s on the damn thing more than I am, and I blog! Picture the scene, we have two sofas in our front room, me on one and her on the other. We haven’t spoke for an hour and a half, her on facebook, me on the blog (plus I have Lara Croft on tv distracting me slightly).

Has technology replaced good ol’ fashion chit chat? It’ll probably be easier to email her for a cup of tea than ask!

I’ve Suffered The Red Ring of Death!


Sorry bout that, but I’ve just had the Red Ring of Death!

For those of you not in the know, this is an Xbox related problem. I’ve had my Xbox 360 for, ooh, must be a good 3-4 years now. I’ve heard of the infamous Red Ring of Death but never dreamed it’d happen to me.

Basically, about a year after the 360 came out people started getting these red lights come up on the front of the console. It basically means that a catastrophic hardware failure has happened. According to sources, 16.4% of boxes will get this fault.

Surely that’s a big enough reason for Microsoft to do something about it!!! And I guess they have (in a way).

I’ve contacted them online and arranged for it to be picked up and fixed and, assuming it is the standard RROD, it’ll be free. But this can take up to 2-3 weeks! Surely they should have done a recall on these boxes or something, but I guess that would cost (one of the biggest companies in the world) too much money……

Anyway, fingers crossed they fix it, it comes back working and it’s all free. Just not sure how I’ll survive without it!!

iPhone Takes Me Back To Boyhood

For Sunday lunch today I met my vest friend from London for a pub lunch. My wife came along and so did his other half. We both have iPhones and as we sat chatting, the conversation turned to apps. We sat there, got our phones out and started comparing.

As we went through our respective phones, it was clear to see I had apps he didn’t and vice versa. The majority of the ones he had, I wouldn’t be overly bothered to download. Although he did have two I have since downloaded. And similarly, there were apps I had he didn’t and a few he downloaded there and then.

In the car on the way home, it got me thinking of how similar the scenario was between us and kids in the playground with football stickers. Bare with me on this one:

The album = The iPhone
Stickers = Apps

So you get the two boys in the playground, get out their stickers and compare to see which ones they can swap (usually to the chorus of got, got, need, got, OOOOH SILVER!!!). Then they’d barter to see which stickers they could swap and which ones were suitable for silvers!

This is how it rolled with me and my friend. We sat there, uttering got, got, need, while our other halves stared and shook their heads at our youthful, boylike exuberance. It’s so shocking how our lives seem to come full circle and things are all so similar.

Terrified I’ll Be A Failure

As you know, I’m due to be a dad in about 2 weeks. I’m getting so excited at the prospect! True, I’m going to be losing the freedom to go out whenever I want, have lie in’s and chill when I get home, but it’ll be worth it every time I pick up that small baby and look into my child’s eyes.

But I’m also petrified I’m going to mess everything up.

I’ve recently started a new job and I’m loving it. The pace is just right (could do with being a bit busier) to keep me interested, the people are great and the company seems to be going in the right direction. But I’ve got a terrible feeling it’s not going to last. I e-mailed my boss yesterday asking if she was happy with me etc. etc. and I’ve had no reply as yet. I don’t think I’ve given her any reason not to be happy, but I’m so worried that at the end of my probation (another 3 months) she’ll just turn round and say “sorry, it’s not working out”. How will I support my family then? In a recession and a new baby………

To be honest, this is my main concern. Without being too bigheaded, I think I’ll be a fantastic dad. I’m not huge on babies, but I think I’ll be just fine in caring and looking after it and as it grows, I will enjoy teaching it and watching it grow and I’m much better with toddlers and children than babies.

I just hope that my child doesn’t grow up and turn round one day and think I’m a disappointment or I’ve failed them in some way. I have a kind of relationship with my dad like this (I don’t think he supported me as much as he should have during my teens) and I hope my child NEVER thinks like that. But if I lose my job and can’t provide for my family, then that is exactly what I am. A failure and disappointment to my wife and child.

Twilight: New Moon is A-Ok!

So I gave in…….. I downloaded Twilight: New Moon last night.

I’ve got to be honest, when it first came out, I wasn’t that bothered about watching it. I downloaded the first Twilight movie out of pure curiosity as I generally love vampire movies (and secretly enjoy the American teen movie). I put it on, settle down for a cross between Interview with a Vampire and 10 Things I Hate About You and get the biggest load of teen emo crap I have ever witnessed! Good lord, surely the youth of today don’t think, talk and act like the star-crossed lovers of this pap?! I thought Bella was suicidal for the majority of the film. For a young couple in love, surely they could both smile once in a while……..

I’m sure I’m going to get electronically lynched for that critical review of the 1st film, but I hope you keep reading.

So I was sitting at home last night, when I had a sudden urge to watch New Moon. Before I could stop myself, I’d hit download on iTunes and it was too late to stop! It finishes and I settle down to watch.


It started off predictably emo and when Edward tells Bella he’s off, I honestly thought I’d see a wrist slitting scene. But all I can say is THANK GOD FOR WEREWOLVES! Jake and the pack saved this movie and quite possibly saved the remaining movies for me. Bella’s “woe is me” factor was dulled down enough to bearable levels, she even smiled in one scene and started to look like the good-looking girl she is. There’s still enough teen distraught emotions flooding the screen for the emotionally retarded among you, I would say MORE than enough man flesh on show from the pack and just the right level of manliness for me not to delete it from my hard drive forever.

Ok, I admit it. I do actually really like this movie (so far anyway). As stated, the beginning was a bit too much for me, but the middle bit (since Jake kicks in) is really starting to grip me. So I guess my annoyance is more with Edward than the movie itself.  Bella seems a mirror for the other characters. When she’s with Edward she’s a strange emo thing. With Jake, she smiles and seems to like life. I’m going with Jake!

Now I have to finish the last 40 minutes of it, but things are looking good and I may go as far as to say I’m intrigued to see the next installment (if anyone can tell me when it’s out and give me a bit of background on it, I’d be grateful)