Terrified I’ll Be A Failure

As you know, I’m due to be a dad in about 2 weeks. I’m getting so excited at the prospect! True, I’m going to be losing the freedom to go out whenever I want, have lie in’s and chill when I get home, but it’ll be worth it every time I pick up that small baby and look into my child’s eyes.

But I’m also petrified I’m going to mess everything up.

I’ve recently started a new job and I’m loving it. The pace is just right (could do with being a bit busier) to keep me interested, the people are great and the company seems to be going in the right direction. But I’ve got a terrible feeling it’s not going to last. I e-mailed my boss yesterday asking if she was happy with me etc. etc. and I’ve had no reply as yet. I don’t think I’ve given her any reason not to be happy, but I’m so worried that at the end of my probation (another 3 months) she’ll just turn round and say “sorry, it’s not working out”. How will I support my family then? In a recession and a new baby………

To be honest, this is my main concern. Without being too bigheaded, I think I’ll be a fantastic dad. I’m not huge on babies, but I think I’ll be just fine in caring and looking after it and as it grows, I will enjoy teaching it and watching it grow and I’m much better with toddlers and children than babies.

I just hope that my child doesn’t grow up and turn round one day and think I’m a disappointment or I’ve failed them in some way. I have a kind of relationship with my dad like this (I don’t think he supported me as much as he should have during my teens) and I hope my child NEVER thinks like that. But if I lose my job and can’t provide for my family, then that is exactly what I am. A failure and disappointment to my wife and child.


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