Noah vs The Council

My step-uncle is not only an amazing author of 3 books, but a word-smith with an apparent knack of telling it how it is. He was recently “bored” and decided to re-write the Bible and bring it into the modern era:

In the year of Our lord 2011, Noah was living above a former boatyard
in Caterham Town, along with his sons Ham, Shem and the other one
nobody can ever remember, when the Lord came unto him. “Noah, good
servant of mine.
Once again the world has become wicked and over populated. Build
another Ark and save two of every creature. Then gather around a few
good humans and prepare for the deluge to be visited upon the Earth in
six months. Here are the blueprints for the Ark”
Six months later God returned to Caterham, but there was no sign of
the Ark, just Noah sitting on his arse looking rather dejected in his
boatyard. “NOAH! Where’s the Ark? I’m about to start the rains.”
“Forgive me Lord but I needed a building permit, and these premises
were no longer licensed for boat construction. That took weeks to sort
out. Then the Inspector of Boats insisted I installed a sprinkler
system.(EU Directive 97/EC/1492BC); then the neighbours complained I’d
violated local by-laws by exceeding permitted height limitations, that
took another three weeks to sort out; then I had to source Gopher Wood
from the sustainable Forest of Dean. Don’t even mention the nightmare
I had about getting the animals-the trouble I’ve had with the RSPCA.
Then the Environmental Agency turned up. They want an Environmental
impact study on your proposed flood.”….”As for the crew.” Noah
continued. “I had the Racial Equality lot here last week demanding we
follow correct interviewing procedures, with the composition of the
crew reflecting diversity among all religious, cultural and ethnic
groups. Its doing my ‘ead in Lord!”
Suddenly the clouds rolled away, the sun came out and a glorious
rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder scratching
his arse. “Lord does this mean you’re not going to destroy the world?”
“No I’m not.” said God. “The Government has already f**ked it for me.”

Certainly made me laugh!

Let me know what you think and please do check out his books. They are based on fact relating to Jews during World War II and the stories and details are brilliant. Amazing writing and truly moving. You can get the books here.

Can Religion and Science Co-Exist?

I’m having a running discussion today with a friend of mine regarding the relationship between God (in this discussion, Christian God) and Science. She is an avid Jehovah’s Witness, I am a Catholic although DEFINITELY more of a scientist than a religious believer.

Let me clarify our points of view:

She believe whole heartedly in the Bible, what it says and the teachings of her faith (which I truly admire, as I’ve said before). As such, she finds the idea of, for example, evolution to be something bordering offensive. God created man in His own image, so the idea we come from monkeys………..

I, on the other hand, believe completely in the theory of evolution (keeping with the same example). But I also believe in God. What I don’t believe in are the Bible stories of the likes of Adam & Eve etc. I believe God did create everything, but more along the lines of he started the ball rolling and left it to grow as it rolled.

For me, I can’t believe that the world was created in 7 days exactly how the Bible tells us. If there weren’t HUGE scientific evidence to the contrary proving our world is over 4 billion years old. The Bible tells us it’s around 6500 years old (circa 4500bc). We have evidence of the human race being around before that……

But I also have difficulty with science. Lets look at the big bang. Stephen Hawking is a total genius and I truly admire this man. His theories are sound, but there are holes. For example, what caused the big bang and what was there before it? How can the universe come from nothing? My answer here is God.

Then we have the PERFECT chain of events that lead to our existence. Lets forgo the big bang. It happened. But from that we have the fact that matter and anti-matter did NOT wipe each other out. Enough survived to create the universe (point 1). Then the fact that EXACTLY the right amount of elements formed together to create our sun (point 2). Then EXACTLY the right amount of material created our planet (point 3). Then the collision between early forming Earth and Theia happened at EXACTLY the right angle to create our moon (which I discovered last night, courtesy of Nat Geo, performs a HUGE part in our survival and overall existence(point 4)) and leave EXACTLY the right amount of iron to form our core and create our magnetic field (essential in our survival from solar radiation (point 5)).

I could continue on about the gravity needed to keep our atmosphere, then move on to the fluke that created the first life form…….. Could be here for a long, long time, but you get my point. Stephen Hawking himself said nothing in this universe is perfect, but this chain is………. un-naturally perfect. This I attest to God.

I believe God started it all. He caused the big bang and planned everything, but I believe he put everything in place and let it go….. Line those dominoes up, give the first one a flick and watch them all fall into place.

But I believe science is our way of understanding this and coming to terms with it all. No replacing God, not playing Him, but understanding him. If He didn’t intend us to learn and develop our intelligence, why give us free will and the ability to learn?

Luckily, my friend and I can agree to disagree, although she’s sending me some info which I’m happily going to read. Who knows, maybe it’ll change my mind 🙂

Being a Good, Brave Man

I like to think of myself as a good man. I think I’m fair and will help others when needed. I need to stop being so lazy, but I don’t think that’s a terrible fault, just something that needs getting rid of quietly. But I’m not sure I have the courage to be a good, brave man.

This may sound strange, but hear my thinking.

I just received one of those stupid chain e-mails which normal I’m loathed to read, so hit delete. However, this one piqued my interest by being about our armed forces. And at the bottom of this e-mail was one of the most moving poems I think I’ve ever read:


The soldier stood and faced God,   
Which must always come to pass.
He hoped his shoes were shining,
Just as brightly as his brass.

‘Step forward now, you  soldier,
How shall I deal with you ?
Have you always turned the other cheek ?
To My Church have you been true?’

The soldier squared his shoulders and said,
‘No, Lord, I guess I ain’t.
Because those of us who carry  guns,
Can’t always be a saint.

I’ve had to work most Sundays,
And at times my talk was tough.
And sometimes I’ve been violent,
Because the world is awfully rough.

But, I never took a penny,
That wasn’t mine to keep…
Though I worked a lot of overtime,
When the bills got just too steep.

And I never passed a cry for help,
Though at times I shook with fear.
And sometimes, God, forgive me,
I’ve wept unmanly tears.

I know I don’t deserve a place,
Among the people here.
They never wanted me around,
Except to calm their fears.

If you’ve a place for me here, Lord,
It needn’t be so grand.
I never expected or had too much,
But if you don’t, I’ll understand.

There was a silence all  around the throne,
Where the saints had often trod.
As the soldier waited quietly,
For the judgment of his God.

‘Step forward  now, you soldier,
You’ve borne your burdens  well..
Walk peacefully on Heaven’s  streets,
You’ve done your time in Hell.’

This really did bring a tear to my eye. I thought about all our brave soldiers, where ever they are in the world, fighting and trying to protect millions of people they don’t know. And its not like in the old’un days when you were subscripted and forced to fight. These guys volunteered, knowing the dangers and still they go. Sure, some of them are there through some “Rambo” complex just looking to fire a big gun, but I have no doubt that 95% of our soldiers are good, decent human beings who are trying to make a difference in a world that doesn’t help the little guy, but crushes him mercilessly beneath it’s boot.

Now I’m not saying I need to be THAT heroic, but would I have the courage to stop someone in the street if I saw them bullying or insulting a weaker person? Could I stand up for those who can’t stand up for themselves? Does it make me a bad person if I was too scared? You always here about have-a-go heroes being stabbed after trying to stop an old lady being mugged. I’d like to think it wouldn’t stop me helping, but I just couldn’t be sure.

Does that make me any less of a good man?

Meaning of Christmas

I’m a catholic. Not an avid one, I don’t go to church or stuff, but I do believe. But what I believe in more is the good spirit of Christmas.

I’m sat at an outdoor German Market in the middle of Southampton freezing cold and enjoying a nice cold german beer. Sounds strange but I’m listening to some people playing Christmas carols on brass instruments (probably sally army), looking at students dressed up collecting for charity, people happy and think this is the meaning if christmas.

Now I know it’s to celebrate the birth if Jesus and that is close to my heart, but if people forgot all about that and still celebrated Christmas for being a time of family, joy and giving, would Jesus be that upset?? His message was love one another. Surely that’s what Christmas is all about. Love.

I’m probably going to get some born again Christian email me abuse now, or the pope excommunicate me, but I don’t care. I am of the opinion that if we enjoy christmas, keep true to the spirit of loving, giving and sharing, then God and Jesus will find their way back into it. After all, doesn’t the bible say God Is Love??