Grit and Determination…. What Do You Mean “They Don’t Come For Free?!”


I’ve been training at my MMA gym for about 5 months now. If truth be told, at the beginning of December, I was looking to throw it off as I just couldn’t get my head around the grappling aspect of the game. Unlike my coach, I struggle immensely with personal drive and determination.

I’m going to start with my coach. He is one of the most genuinely nice people I have ever had the pleasure to have met. Many times in life, you meet someone and say: “What a nice guy” but they’re just a regular person who isn’t horrid. Then you meet someone who goes the extra mile, who genuinely cares about people and isn’t out for number 1. This is my coach. I don’t think I’ve ever heard him be negative about anything, even after one of our fighters was cheated out of victory in his first fight and the rules changed on the day of the event. Every time I speak to him or read his Facebook, I hear/see nothing but positive vibes oozing from him. Not to mention determined. He’s done things this year most people talk about but never bother. Setting up seminars with internationally renowned fighter and  without the backing of big named gyms/promotions to swing the deal.

So my point of this blog is not to say what an amazing guy he is. The point of this blog is to try and take from him that determination. I’m probably the opposite from him. The most committed thing I’ve done is get married and have a baby. Every day, I get into work thinking “I’ve got this to do/that to do and I will do it by the end of the day”…… Then I sit there and write a blog. At the end of the week, when my boss is screaming at me for late submission of accounts or something else, I get upset and wonder why!!

My problem is I have:

  1. A short attention span
  2. No self drive

Number 1 is difficult to deal with, or at least I think it is WITHOUT number 2. I deal with number 2, that will smash number 1 out of the park. But how do you go about motivating yourself? How can you change your perspective to gain a drive in your life? The perfect example is this: I sign up for a gym, do the induction, go a few times but never really break a sweat. Then I leave it and watch the money drain from my bank every month. However, I go to rugby or mma training, I bust a gut with someone yelling at me and I get so much more from it. Is it boredom? Could be partially it. Is it laziness in that I need someone to stand over me while I do things?

Not sure either way, but I have to change it soon. I’ve so many options available to me to make a better life but without this drive, I’ll let everyone single one of them slip me by. Guess I should stop blogging and get on with my mountain of work now

Funny or Bullying?


I first saw this video a few weeks back and I found it hilarious:

Of course, I found this funny for the same reason I’m sure all of you are now laughing away. Since then, I’ve found a few more videos online staring this guy:

And then an interview (of sorts from a bedroom) with the main man himself made by his buddy:

Up until this point, I thought this was still really funny. True, the guy does seem a little slow and at some point you have to wonder is it really fair to be laughing at him rather than with him, but I was happy enough wetting myself laughing at the enthusiasm he throws into his singing and the fact he really doesn’t care what people think. That was until I saw this vid:

Now I appreciate that some people do not want to hear a guy singing his little heart out on the bus first thing in the morning, especially if he can’t hold a note. But there is no need to throw things at him and be generally horrid. We live in the 21st century where we’re supposed to be accepting, kind, understanding people who look on ourselves and our community with this attributes. I can’t see that from this video. I have to be honest that I stopped watching about 1.17 as I suddenly felt so sorry for the guy and ashamed at myself for laughing at his videos. Does laughing at the videos make me just as bad as the clowns who were throwing things at him?

I’m sure we’ve all been in this sort of situation. A misfortunate person, such as Carmine, does something that we find funny. This may be singing or falling over or dancing or anything but we laugh. At the time, I’m sure 95% of don’t think anything malicious about it. It’s simply another human being doing something funny. But does that make it right? How does that person feel? Are they trying to make us laugh or just doing something they like to do and would feel upset at being laughed at?

I don’t know if I’m being too touchy, but I hate to think of someone being bullied, let alone being bullied on the scale of having a video of them posted on YouTube for millions to see and laugh at.

Then again, am I making things worse by posting the vids in this blog? Damn, having a conscience is tough!!!

Top 10 Live Acts EVER!


The other day, I discovered the Rolling Stones magazine’s top 500 most influential songs of all time. Now, I don’t pretend to know anything about anything with regards to influential music and amazing musicians. But I do know what I like.

Unfortunately, most of the acts I consider to be “the greatest ever” are either dead, part dead (in relation to bands) or split up. And as I’ve only seen a handful of concerts, the chances are I will NEVER get to see my top 5 acts live. To this end, I’m using the 21st Century to share them with you. So here are my top 10 acts who I’d love to have seen in their prime. Some may still be performing, but ageing acts can never quite match the heady heights of their prime. I’m sure people will disagree, so why not comment and give us your top 5 or 10:

No. 10 – Buddy Holly – I was brought up on music from this era. My mum loves the old rock and roll era music and thankfully, she has passed this down to me. Here is a man who was taken from us too early. The impact he had on the music world in such a short time is phenomenal. Just imagine what could have been accomplished if he had lived on? 

No. 9 – Madonna – I’m not a big fan of her new stuff. Just not my cup of tea. But her 80’s music, the Immaculate Collection album…….. WOW! It just collated all her greatest tunes. 

No. 8 – Bob Marley – I have to be in the mood for Bob, but when I am, god I love him!! I imagine his concerts not to be a standing, dancing affair, but everyone sat in a big field, chilling out and smoking things they really shouldn’t! 

No. 7 – The Rolling Stones – I’ve only recently discovered the Stones. I’ve known the most infamous songs for ages, same as pretty much everyone does and can sing a long to a few without even realising who they are. It also helps that the come from the same town as I do (Dartford, Kent)! Don’t know a great deal about them to quote, but I do know I’d have loved to have seen them back in the day. 

No. 6 – Tina Turner – Come on!! You got to love her!! What a voice, she loves to shake it and her songs are so infectious!!! I can honestly say I think Simply The Best was the first proper song I can remember. 

No. 5 – Elvis Presley – Maybe a surprise he isn’t higher, but I think live, there are better. Still the King and love pretty much all of his songs 

No. 4 – Elton John – Yes, Sir Elton is here! Not for his awful Diana tribute song, but for his energetic songs and amazing voice! His songs know how to drag your emotions to whatever destination he wants, be it party anthems, melodic songs, romance……. 

No. 3 – Meat Loaf – I don’t think this particular choice will get a lot of love, but I’m a big Meat fan. The power in his voice combined with the songs of Jim Steinman make for an amazing partnership 

No. 2 – The Beatles – Of Course the Fab Four would be here!! What list of greatest musicians WOULDN’T have them in the top 5?! I don’t think I need to put anymore really….. Run VT 

And the top prize goes to………..

No. 1 – Queen– Where do I start? The music? The lyrics? The power? I love Queen and I think the music they made is pure genius. I cannot think of a bad song they made and without doubt at least 2 or 3 of their songs would be in my top 10 all time fav songs. But the reason they are number 1 in this list if simple….. Freddie Mercury. If you haven’t seen videos of Queen live, you’re missing out. The man was a true performer and captivated everyone and everything when he performed. He didn’t just sing and walk about the stage, he performed! The Live Aid concert was a huge success, but without doubt the Highlight of it was Queens performance. Enjoy. 

A Sporting Dilemma


As my regular readers will be aware, I have played rugby all of my life. I love the game and it has given me so much, including very good friends.

I was on Facebook the other day when I saw something quite disturbing. A friend of mine (one of the “old boys” from the rugby club) had put a very disturbing status up:

so any 1 wonder why (name removed) is in hospital , infection frm pinnin in his grion , thiven junkie low life c..t , stole frm his MUM’s , stole frm his sister who put him up when noone wanted him , then stole frm his auntie who also put hm up after stealin frm his sisters , role n die u low life c..t lol xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Now this is some pretty harsh words. I have played rugby with the gentleman in question and this brings me to my dilemma. If he is indeed a junkie (can’t believe everything you read online, but the guy who posted this is related in some way to the person in question), can I ever play rugby with him again?

Before you judge me, let me make my case. It is a known fact the drug users are not exactly fussed about using clean, sterile needles every hit and, as a consequence of this, can and do contract certain infections and diseases from the dirty needles (such as HIV, hepatitis etc.). These infections and diseases can be passed from one person to another in various methods, including blood.

Now for the uneducated, rugby is a very physical game and cuts and bleeding are par for the course of a normal game (this weekend is a prime example where a team-mate of mine needed stitches in the top of his head after being kicked, by accident). Because of these types of diseases, we are no longer allowed such things as a bucket of water and sponge to clean cuts as infections can be spread in this manner. I know every time I walk on to the pitch, I run the risk of receiving an infection (ridiculously small risk, but still present), but I never think of it and it never really concerns me. However, I’m not so sure I can say the same thing now.

So the questions are:

  1. Can I happily play a contact game where bleeding can/does occur with a “known” drug user is also playing, let alone share a shower with him after the game?
  2. Should I mention this to my captain, as I’m not sure he would have seen the Facebook soap-opera?

Lethargy, Thy Name is Dan!


God, the feeling of utter boredom and cannot be bothered-ness (I know, nice new word created there) has made a home in my mind the last few weeks. Ever since handing in my notice pretty much.

So let me explain. I’m not generally one of those people who, when faced with impending departure from a job, sits back and say’s “Sod it”. Generally, when I’m leaving a place, it’s for a career move and although that normally goes hand in hand with more money, career is normally the way. This time, I’m leaving purely for financial reasons. Times are tough, I’m drastically unpaid in my current job and the management knows it. Again, not normally an issue, you part on amicable terms and everyone is happy.

The only difference here is the fact I like it here and I thought I was a valued member of the team. I have a good relationship with the management team and the managing director. So when I handed my notice in, I did expect them to fight to keep me. I understand times are tough and as the accounts manager, I know only too well the company’s financial position. But nothing came. All I got was a letter saying thanks and good luck. The MD hasn’t even been bothered to talk to me personally (which for a small company, I find quite upsetting). My manager did offer me £x amount extra, but it was no more than a bog standard pay rise and to go with it, I would need to take on MORE responsibility and work! So not a pay rise, but a job restructure. I don’t want a new job, I want a fair wage for a damn good job I do (especially taking into account the fact I saved the company £12,000 in my first 3 months).

So if they can’t be bothered, then neither can I.

Add to this my holiday is in a few weeks, my “get up and go” has definitely “got up and gone”. I cannot wait to get out to sunny Spain and sip away on a few cerveza with my good friends we’re going with. My little girl is much older now than when we took her to Egypt. This is either going to make things a lot of fun as she’ll be able to play a lot more, but can also make for relaxing times to be few and far between. When we were in Egypt, she was only 6 months old and was happy chilling in her pram while we went out at night etc. Now she is 17 months, I can’t see her being quite so content to sit in her pram while mummy and daddy enjoy a nice meal.

So all this combined has brought me to the conclusion that I need to chill out now. Combine that to my new addiction to Google+ and you have a very lethargic and “cannot be bothered” Dan.

I’m Just So Angry, But Don’t Know Why


It’s now been 2 1/2 hours since my daughter woke with teething. My body is a ruin and I’m so tired. I’m trying to keep it together and not lose my temper, but it’s not working. I just smashed the switch to the kitchen light.

My wife tells me to calm down and not get angry, but it feels like she’s saying it in a judging way, like I’m weak for feeling this way, which stokes the fire in me even more!

I don’t think it’s a secret I have anger issues. I’ve never gone over the line, thankfully, and I don’t think I ever will. But shouting and venting are all part of my repartee. The thing that gets me more het up is when people tell me to calm down. Yeah, cause you saying it will make it happen! I try my best to stay calm, so when someone tells me, it’s basically saying: “you’re failing, so try harder!”

She’s now practically keeping me and my daughter apart, turning her back to feed her, not letting me help. I’m sure she thinks I’d so something. I understand my temper is scary, but it hurts me so much to think she believes that I could ever hurt either of them.

I wish I had someone I could talk to about it. My family wouldn’t understand. My wife would listen, but I don’t think she’d hear and take in what I was saying. Not sure anyone would. I don’t understand it myself.

Up until about 6 years or so ago, I didn’t think I was a very angry person. My temper never really got the better of me. Wish I knew where I went wrong. At least I could start from there. It seems like it has just appeared out of thin air. My mum seems to think I’ve always had a temper, but I honestly don’t ever remember feeling like this before.

I wrote the above last night. Since then, my wife has been severely distant from me. Can’t say as I blame her. I’m a big guy, I can be intimidating when I’m relaxed, let alone fuming. I’ve booked an appointment with my doctor for Friday. I’m going to ask if there is anything they can do or help with. I’ve had a look online, but I can’t see anything along the lines of government help for anger issues. Inject yourself with drugs, drink and other things people choose to do, they throw money at left right and centre and help them out to be a good government to the people. I don’t choose to be angry, I don’t choose to have a temper. But I don’t think there is any help for me out there unless I pay £40 an hour for the privilege (which isn’t going to do me many favours in calming down when I can’t pay my mortgage!).

Update – Ok, so I’ve told a bit of a porkie. There IS NHS funded help, but I may have to go on a waiting list…… o…k…

I am worried about doing the whole counselling thing. I find it so hard to talk about my feelings (apart from on here) and opening up to my biggest weakness will be something so hard and uncomfortable and even then, it might not work. But it’s worth a try. I just hope that something comes from my GP visit.

Can’t Sleep


Don’t you just hate it when you’re absolutely shattered, but can’t sleep.

It’s so infuriating!!

So I’m thinking of things. So far, lottery win division, an offer for my old job back and San da.

I’ll start with the old job. I left it over a year ago after suffering major stress related depression. It nearly destroyed me and ruined my marriage. Now I’m in a job where I’m VERY happy, feel appreciated and get to spend time with my family (moneys crap though). But I received an email out of the blue today from my old boss asking if I wanted my job back. I’m considering it purely for the money (my wife is only part-time because of our daughter.) Down sides: won’t get to spend much time with the family, won’t be able to train as much if at all, run the risk of depression again.

Other thoughts were just my previous San da fights. Keep running through my mind where I went wrong etc. Hopefully the new mma training I’m starting Monday will solve a few issues.

Then the lottery division. How would I divide up £12,000,00.00? So far, it goes like this:

£2 mil to charity (undecided which ones)
£2 mil into offshore account and live on interest
£1 mill each to my mum and mother-in-law
£1 mil split between my brother, sister and brother-in-law
£500k each to dad and father-in-law
£1.5 mil to rest of family
£500k round the world trip for me, the wife and daughter
£2 mil for house and car etc.

The house wouldn’t be anything too large or grand. Couple of £000k should cover it. Four rooms I suppose. Garden has to be big though.

Christ I need sleep!!!!